When We Are Afraid To Listen

We may be afraid to listen because what we might hear could cause us to have to change. Here we are dealing with a closed  and set mind. We may run into things like, my father voted republican or democrat, so I must. Also, rigid religious and scientific beliefs fall into that.

We follow old structures, thinking we can bring about new results. At the same time  we can't hear what someone with a better idea has to say.  We become defensive about our ideas.  Here we deal with two fears, the fear of change and the fear of having our validity undermined.

Our need to have a purpose (and be valuable) is extremely strong. If we feel valued, we also feel loved. And who doesn't want to be loved? If there is something that undermines our perceived purpose instead of re-examining our stand, we will most likely lash out in defense. Our defense is to devalue the other so that we can hold on to our own value and purpose ("I am right and you are wrong"). If we are afraid to loose being loved and admired by our peers, we will be afraid to listen.  Even if we know that what is being presented is right – we can't change. To be able to change in spite of this peer pressure will take enormous emotional and spiritual growth.

We need to learn to be able to stay calm in spite of disappointments. We need to become aware that others are trying as hard as we are.  After all, we are disappointing others as well.
Once we realize that, we can start examining our motives. We might want to ask ourselves when we got into an argument: "Was this argument because I am afraid to change and take a look at something different?"  "Why am I defending my stand so strongly?" "Can I still see the other person as valuable, a friend, or as a child of God in spite of our differences?"

Exercise:

Tell yourself in one or two minute meditations throughout the day:

“I am lovable because I am created by love.” Then look at someone else and say: “You are lovable because you are created by love.”

Christian meditation: “God is my strength because God created me through love.

Teach me what forgiveness really means.” Then look at another and say to yourself: “I bless you, because your are created by God.”

or: I am valuable, because I am a child of God  and God creates nothing inferior.
(Some of the meditations are based on meditations from the "Course in Miracles".

Other suggestions: Read up in scriptures (the Bible), or if you are not a Christian in your specific Scripture texts pertaining to forgiveness, kindness and love.

© 2012 Angelika Mitchell